my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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