How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he shaved USA in his pubs
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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