Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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