did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think my fart just growled at me.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
