BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
