Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
