He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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