turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I still have a little drunk in my system
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
