My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
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It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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