hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
