what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
