You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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