I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
