Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
