you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
