You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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