It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
