There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
