My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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