He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
