I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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