Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
