Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
