I think i peed on brittanys purse
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
