shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
