I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
