I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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