why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
