I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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