when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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