i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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