all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
