The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
