just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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