you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
