does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
