somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
