I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
