Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
