whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
