Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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