it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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