Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
