her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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