Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
