I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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