Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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