I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
