im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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