What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
