Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.

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(573): View more from Missouri

worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.

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(807): View more from Ontario

I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth

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(313): View more from Michigan

tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve

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(415): View more from California

What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee

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