There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
