I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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