I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
