2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
