My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
