Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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