Dual....:-)
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
