Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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