PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
50% drunk capacity currently
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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