Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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