my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
