"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
