I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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