then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
