I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
handjob tips. give me some.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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