hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
